I’ve been missing wine the past couple of days. It all started when I was watching a food program and there was this beautiful meal outside on a warm, summer evening with decadent food and soft lighting. In everyone’s hand was a long-stemmed glass filled with deep red wine, and they were all filled with joy.

This romanticized view of wine is what has drawn me to it over the years. I associate it with travel, freedom, and a sweet moment of indulgence. I miss that. Logical me knows that if I were to “just have one glass” it wouldn’t just be one glass, it would be one bottle. It would be feeling fuzzy-minded, tired, not sleeping well, eating more than I really want, feeling shame and guilt, and knowing deep down that beverage is harming me.

Even though I can logically point out all of the reasons I shouldn’t drink it, I still want it. I suppose that is the addictive side coming into play as well as the conditioning over the years to chase the allure of wine. In reality, I’m not going to give in. It has been a little over two months that I have been sober and I like the me that doesn’t drink. However, I still want to feel special and fancy. 

Something I’m going to try tonight is an Italian dish turned vegan. It will be decadent and exquisite. I want to notice my senses while I’m making and eating that dish. I want to pair it with a drink that will compliment the dish and make it unique. I don’t need to buy into the idea that wine is the only way I can indulge and feel free. I want to be present, in my mind and experience the world around me.