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    The Ups and Downs of my Mom’s Health

    Today has been a roller coaster. My mom is currently in the ICU because she was barely responsive yesterday. Her local hospital transported her to the hospital by me so she could receive the treatment she needs. 

    Since 2007, my mom has had a VP shunt because she suffers from hydrocephalous which is the buildup of fluid in the ventricles within her brain. This was all triggered by a brain tumor she had that was the size of a plum. Mom recovered from those procedures, and was able to continue on with life.

    In 2013, I received a call from my dad while I was in Paris. He shared that my mom was on life support and that her shunt had failed. Without a properly working shunt, my mom’s life was at risk. I caught a flight as fast as I could back home. Once again, she recovered, but not at 100% this time. She could walk with assistance, but she would never drive again.

    Four years later, her shunt failed her again. This time, she had an infection. They had to remove the old shunts and put in a new one. This caused an extensive deficit in abilities, and mom was sent to rehabilitation. The facility was more like a nursing home and was severely understaffed. Dad and I wanted to do everything we could to get her out of there. Unfortunately, one day while I was taking her to the bathroom, I lost her. She became imbalanced and although I did everything I could to stop her from falling, she hit her head on the wall. A couple of days later, she was immobile and unresponsive. It was back to the hospital again. The shunt had been damaged and they had to once again replace it. I never knew if my dropping her caused the malfunction, but I definitely blame myself for not being more careful. This time she did not come back to us walking. Since then, my mom has been wheel-chair bound and at times, bed-ridden.

    Yesterday, her shunt was not working properly again. Originally, they thought it was either another infection, or an obstruction somewhere along the line. Surgery was planned, but then cancelled when they discovered the shunt programming was not accurate. They adjusted the level, and all of a sudden, mom seemed more responsive. They will monitor her the next couple of days, but hopefully the issue has now been resolved.

    During the time when I thought she was going back into surgery, I felt a great since of fear. One of the doctors talked with me about a do not resuscitate order. Informally, I have become my mom’s health care agent, but I didn’t feel comfortable making this decision alone. Do we say yes to paddles, but no to intubation? We needed intubation last time, but do we want it this time? If they were to do surgery, how much more of mom would we lose? What does my mom want? Is she in the right mindset to know what is best? How can we be the ones to decide on life or death? Gah. Fortunately I have my dad to converse with, but the truth is, he doesn’t know either. I think the best case scenario is we don’t have to decide the fate of my mom’s life. It is too big. 

    I’m feeling much more hopeful right now, but I also feel very reflective. As I’ve mentioned in another post, I am really trying to explore my spirituality and I feel stronger as I get closer and closer to knowing what I believe. One thing I like to do is “listen” to nature. There has been many times I have felt an answer in the wind or an uplift of hope in the song of a bird. I decided to take a walk around the hospital after lunch, and it is as if the world was reflecting the good news we received. The clouds dispersed and the sun lit up the Earth. The birds were singing and I found peace in knowing that things are going to be okay. At least for right now. The photos in this post are form my uplifting walk.

    I know there will be a day where we might have to make difficult decisions, or things will not be okay, but until then, I will appreciate this break. 

  • Seeking Spirituality

    What do I believe in? The truth is, I’m not sure. I grew up going to church every once in a while, but was never baptized or christened. I’ve visited countless churches across the world, and was even married in one, but I can’t say with certainty what I believe because I feel like I have more to learn. What I do know is that I have felt spiritual connections in the past, so I know something is there, I just don’t know what.

    What I definitely believe in is the idea of a soul. I know that one day my body will no longer operate, but I can’t understand how I can just be “done”. I have this soul, spirit, whatever, inside of me that is perceiving everything and thinking and feeling. That isn’t just my brain. I have free will. The thing I don’t know is what will happen to my soul once my life ends. I know what I want to believe, but I can’t quite get fully behind it.

    Whenever I am overwhelmed or scared of something, it is usually because I am lacking information. So, like any good researcher, I have been working on learning more about what beliefs are out there. I’ve started reading the Bible, but I have to admit it isn’t an easy listen. Since seeking more resources, I’ve come across someone who has shared some thoughts that speak to me. His name is Rob Bell and I first heard about him from the Rich Roll Podcast. He is featured on the episode discussing spirituality, and I valued how he tries to make sense of the stories in the Bible. He describes Jesus as I believe him to be, and not how he has been misconstrued by so many recently. The central theme is love.

    I also read his book, Love Wins, and I was really intrigued about how he mentions trying to create a heaven on Earth. He describes God’s unconditional love in a way that I feel like I can actually get now by connecting the love I have for Edwin. In the end, the messages I pulled away from him is that there is not some gate saying only those who believe in the Bible are allowed in and that it is important to live a life of service; to improve this world we live in now to be more prepared for the next world.

    I’m also starting a book by Rainn Wilson (yes, that is Dwight from The Office). It is called, Soul Boom: Why We Need a Spiritual Revolution. I’m excited to listen to it and reflect on its message in a later post.

    Exploring my beliefs is something I look forward to doing and sharing on this blog. Studies consistently show that believing in something greater than ourselves increases our happiness and helps us connect with a community. Although I feel like my beliefs will constantly be evolving, I’m hoping to be able to share with others what I confidently believe in and to live a life that reflects my faith.

  • Getting Over the Romanticized View of Wine

    I’ve been missing wine the past couple of days. It all started when I was watching a food program and there was this beautiful meal outside on a warm, summer evening with decadent food and soft lighting. In everyone’s hand was a long-stemmed glass filled with deep red wine, and they were all filled with joy.

    This romanticized view of wine is what has drawn me to it over the years. I associate it with travel, freedom, and a sweet moment of indulgence. I miss that. Logical me knows that if I were to “just have one glass” it wouldn’t just be one glass, it would be one bottle. It would be feeling fuzzy-minded, tired, not sleeping well, eating more than I really want, feeling shame and guilt, and knowing deep down that beverage is harming me.

    Even though I can logically point out all of the reasons I shouldn’t drink it, I still want it. I suppose that is the addictive side coming into play as well as the conditioning over the years to chase the allure of wine. In reality, I’m not going to give in. It has been a little over two months that I have been sober and I like the me that doesn’t drink. However, I still want to feel special and fancy. 

    Something I’m going to try tonight is an Italian dish turned vegan. It will be decadent and exquisite. I want to notice my senses while I’m making and eating that dish. I want to pair it with a drink that will compliment the dish and make it unique. I don’t need to buy into the idea that wine is the only way I can indulge and feel free. I want to be present, in my mind and experience the world around me. 

  • Doable Vegan: Tuscan Orzo Dump and Bake

    Dump and bake recipes are a great way to ease into simple cooking while also creating a meal full of flavor and diverse with plants. This specific recipe is a Tuscan take on the idea, but you could easily change the flavor profile to Mexican, Thai, Greek, or any other flavor you desire. I simply looked in my pantry to see what I had and this is how it came together. To switch up the cuisine, just use ingredients reflective of that dish and remember that the orzo needs to be cooked in a 2:1 ratio (2 parts liquid, 1 part orzo) for about 30 minutes at 400 degrees. Check out the recipe, and then continue on to learn some more tricks.

    This creamy orzo dish is rich in dynamic flavors, but also so simple.



    This recipe can easily be altered to give it a different flavor profile. Keep the ratio of 2:1 for liquid to orzo, and then the rest of the ingredients can be up to you!

    Ingredients

    • 1 cup Orzo
    • 2 tbsp Olive Oil
    • 2 Garlic Cloves (minced)
    • 1/4 cup Sun Dried Tomatoes
    • 1/2 cup Artichoke hearts
    • 1/2 Medium Red Onion (diced)
    • 1/2 cup Coconut Milk
    • 1 1/2 Cup Vegetable Broth
    • 1/2 cup mixed mushrooms (I used frozen)
    • 1 tbsp Garlic Powder
    • 1 tsp Onion Powder
    • 1 tsp Garlic Salt or Plain Salt
    • 1 tsp Black Pepper
    • 1 tsp Smoked Paprika
    • 1/2 cup Kale (cut)
    • 1/2 Lemon

    Directions

    1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. You will need a 9″x9″ baking dish for this recipe. This is a dump and bake recipe, but if you want to take it to the next level, I recommend toasting the orzo with the olive oil and garlic for 5 minutes in your baking dish first. This adds a nutty, richer flavor to the orzo.
    2. If you toast, simply add the rest of the ingredients (except the lemon juice) and stir after the 5 minutes in the oven is up. Sprinkle the kale on top. If you don’t toast, dump and stir everything in except the lemon juice and sprinkle the kale on top. Cook for 15 minutes.
    3. Take out the pan, stir everything, then cook for 15 more minutes.
    4. After cooking, take out and squeeze the lemon juice on top.
    5. Optional-serve with basil if you have it. (I wish I did) You could also grate some vegan parmesan cheese on top.

    Nutrition


    Per Serving: 243 calories; 13 g fat; 28 g carbohydrates;
    6 g protein; 0 mg cholesterol; 906 mg sodium.

    The first step in the directions mentions a next level trick. I will try to incorporate these as I share dishes to help you increase the flavor so you are satisfied and not feel like you are missing out on taste. Toasting is a secret I use with pasta, rice, nuts, and seasoning. I don’t use it all the time, but there are some dishes that come to life when you do this. I’ll be sure to include this tip if I use it in future dishes.

    Another concept I want to hit today since we are talking about flavor are the pillars of good cooking. When you think about the best food you’ve ever eaten, there were probably four elements that made that dish ooh la la. Those key elements are salt, fat, acid, and heat. The key to putting them together is knowing what your options are and learning how they can pair well together. I will share more on this at another time. This dish included olive oil and coconut milk for fat, garlic salt and broth for salt, lemon juice for acid, and toasting/baking for heat. Taking one of these elements away reduces the enjoyability of the meal. Eating vegan is not just steamed broccoli and plain brown rice. To make vegan dishes that have you shutting the door on animal products, you need to learn the relationship between these pillars and how to make them work for you.

    If you would like to make this dish even healthier, you can use whole grain orzo, remove the coconut milk or olive oil, or use water instead of broth. I also considered adding some cannellini or butter beans, but I did not have any on hand. This would bump up the protein, fiber, and add more nutritional value.

    Want to learn more? Check out the series on Netflix called Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat or the book by the same title written by Samin Norsrat.

  • New Series Coming Soon: Doable Vegan

    Earlier this month, my dad received news that areas of his health are declining. Much of the advice given to improve his health was diet related-lower his sodium, eat less processed foods, etc. My dad is eager to make diet changes and he is impressed by what I have been able to make as I’ve moved to a whole-food, plant-based diet. The problem is that what I do takes work. It takes planning, prepping, lots of dirty dishes, and many other inconveniences. My dad takes care of my mom full time and has so much responsibility and stress weighing on him. No wonder he turns to quick, easy food.

    Around the same time I heard about his health, I also started thinking more about what I am feeding my husband and son. Sometimes I make three different meals for dinner and mine is the only one that is healthy. I’ve been a bit selfish with spending my time focusing on my recipe, my meal, that I often turn to quick and easy for Edwin and Michael. That means lots of processed foods. Michael and I have decided it is time to make a switch to healthier options and he is totally on board for a shift for the whole family.

    With all of that being said, I am feeling a need to take what I have been doing for myself and refine it so that it is more practical. Many of my friends have also shared an interest in making changes, but how do they find the time to create these meals. So, I’ve found a purpose. I am going to start a new series on this blog called Doable Vegan. The focus will be on how can I take the cooking and nutritional knowledge I’ve gained and apply it in a way that it is more accessible for others. Here is the criteria I’m hoping to follow as I develop recipes:

    • quick prep-either the time to actively work in the kitchen is short, or the cook time is short
    • minimal dishes-my kitchen often looks like a disaster zone after cooking-how can I prep smarter, not harder
    • reasonable amount of ingredients-sometimes I open up recipes that have over 20 ingredients, how can I simplify a bit
    • likeable-I want to make dishes a nonvegan will love

    This will be a learning process for me, and I’m excited to have you join me as I experiment, learn, and share. Posts in this series will feature recipes, cooking tips, meal planning suggestions, equipment recommendations, and any other advice I think will help make this possible for others.

    Today, I’d like to share one of my favorite tools in my kitchen: my Ninja Foodi. Toaster Oven. It doesn’t have to be this brand, but I love my combination toaster oven. I use it to air fry, bake, toast, roast, cook, etc. Although I could do these things with other tools, I love how it is all built into one machine. I often prefer this equipment to my oven because it is so convenient. Preheating takes only a few seconds, I’m not heating up a huge oven for smaller dishes, and it folds up when I’m not using it (which is very rare). I will be using this tool quite a bit and wanted to share in case you were wondering how I cook some of my dishes. Thanks dad for the awesome gift! So, stay tuned for future posts on making eating vegan doable.

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